Milestones to Cultivate Calm

Level 1

I yell or shout at my children daily.

Don't worry; this is something you can change. I am so excited by how much more peace you are going to see in your family soon!

Level 2

I have a meltdown about once a week when I yell or shout.

First, you'll figure out WHEN you struggle to self-regulate. Then, we'll target those times, by giving you more support when things are hard, and by changing anything we can, to lessen stress and give you more inner resources.

Special Task: Healing Your Triggers

Level 3

I have a meltdown about once a month when I yell or shout, but my tone isn't always respectful.

This is a great foundation on which you can build. We'll tackle those tough times, and we'll help you develop some daily mindfulness and self-care practices to stay on a more even keel.

Special Task: Mindfulness, Self-Care Practices

Level 4

I rarely raise my voice, but my tone isn't always respectful.

Sounds like you've already been doing a lot of work on yourself -- Congratulations, you're almost there! We'll look at the mini-triggers that cause you to resort to a less-respectful tone.

Special Task: Transform Your Inner Voice with Self-Compassion Practices

Level 5

I'm generally able to keep my tone respectful, even during stressful moments.

Give yourself a huge high five! Don't worry, there will still be a lot this month for you to work with, including developing mindfulness and self-care practices to de-fuse stress. And we could definitely use your support on our Facebook group, if you can share some of your tips and tricks.

Self-Regulation Action Steps

Here are the essential Action Items that will rewire your brain for better Self-Regulation, even in those stressful moments. As you master each one, you'll see yourself moving to the next Milestone level.

Use your PAUSE Button: Stop, Drop and Breathe.

STOP what you're doing. DROP your agenda until you're more calm. BREATHE slowly and deeply. Make the choice to shift gears and to reconnect with your child. The more you practice, the better you get at it.

For more tips: "Stop, Drop & Breathe"

Choose a mantra.

"It's not an emergency... He's acting like a child because he IS a child... She needs my love most when she deserves it least."

Mantras talk your mind off the cliff when it's going into a state of emergency. Write some possible mantras on sticky notes and post them around your house. Try them out when you feel annoyed or upset and see which ones are most effective for you.

Start your Respectful Voice Chart.

If you notice that sometimes your voice is less than respectful, let's take your game up a notch by using the Respectful Voice Chart for a month.

Log in to Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Graduates Course at AhaParenting.com.
On the Course Menu, choose Week 2 and scroll down to the Homework section.
Download the blank Respectful Voice Chart and print it out.

Explain to your child or children that you want to use a respectful voice more often. You expect your child to follow your house rules and cooperate with you, but, regardless of whether or not they do, you are committed to using a respectful voice to guide your child. Every day during the bedtime routine, ask your child if you used a respectful voice all day. Your child can draw a happy face or star for each day when you don't shout. If your child says you didn't earn a star, try not to get defensive. (That just results in your trying to make it your child's fault.) Instead, remind yourself that your child doesn't deserve to get yelled at, no matter what, and that you're the role model. Then ask yourself what you can do tomorrow to give yourself more support to stay on track.

📍 Your Current Level