Tips to Navigate the Course

The Autumn Course begins on Thursday, April 16th.

I will send you an email in the week before the Course begins with tips on getting started with the Course. Please put April 14 on your calendar, so that if you don't receive my email by that date, you can check your spam filter and if necessary, reach out to my assistant Beth Peterson at [email protected]. I don't want you to miss the beginning of the Course.

Every Thursday beginning April 16, for the 12 weeks of this Course, the Course page for the upcoming week will go live at about 1:00AM EDT (UTC/GMT -4 hours) (Find out what time this is for you »).

You'll receive an email from me every Thursday (at the same time) with the link to the new week's page, but you can also just put reminders on your calendar to check back each Thursday, or anytime during the week. The link for the week will appear on the Curriculum Page and will also be accessible from the Course Menu.

The Curriculum Page lists what we're doing in this Course, week by week. I suggest that you bookmark it for easy reference, so you can use it to navigate to each week.

Once the course materials are available each week on the Curriculum Page, please feel free to engage with them on whatever schedule works best for you. And no worries about setting your own pace -- you can download everything, and you can take the Course again for free any time it is offered.

If at any time you have problems accessing your Course, please submit a support request to my assistant Beth Peterson right away. She's there to help make your experience with the Course as smooth as possible! Please also read the most frequently asked questions about the course on the Course FAQs page, as it may address a question you didn't even know you had.

What We'll Do Each Week

Reading

On each week's page, you'll find the reading for that week, most of which will be in my book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. To get the most out of this course, I encourage you to do the reading. We’re using the book as our starting place, but in the lectures I won't waste your time by repeating what's in the book; we'll be going deeper into the material and expanding on it to give you more resources.

I've sent you a free copy of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids as part of the course because it’s the foundation for these ideas. Please begin reading the book as soon as you have a chance. (If it's been longer than 3 weeks since you registered, and you had the book shipped to a U.S. address, we can track it for you. If your book is being shipped outside of the U.S., we can tell you when it was dispatched. Please contact us at: [email protected])

If you don't have time to read, please consider getting your hands on the audiobook. Many parents tell me that listening to the book made it possible for them to squeeze in "reading" time.

If you've already read Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, I suggest that you nevertheless review the assigned reading each week. In the lectures I won't be repeating what's in the book, and you'll find new insights as you review.

My Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids WORKBOOK is not part of the Course, although in the Course I do gift you some exercises from the WORKBOOK as homework exercises. I also use the example of how to calm down when your children are fighting in the car in both the Week 2 Course Lecture and in the Workbook. But if you want to go deeper, I recommend the WORKBOOK as an additional resource just because it takes the work in this Course and gives you more practice. And practice, as you know, is how you rewire your brain! And if you're a Course grad who is taking the Course again and did all the Homework on your first time through, I've given you suggested Bonus homework from the WORKBOOK, which you'll find each week in the Bonus section.

(No, the WORKBOOK does not substitute for Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, which is our text in this Course. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids gives you the theory. The WORKBOOK gives you practice and takes the work deeper.)

If you have more than one child, you'll find that Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings is also an enriching addition to the course, since it takes the ideas you're learning and applies them to the dynamics between your children. Peaceful Parenting always improves the relationship between your children, but sometimes extra support on how to apply these ideas to raising siblings is priceless.

I also encourage you to start a journal (either in a notebook or on your computer) in which you can record your thoughts, frustrations and success stories as you begin reading and applying the ideas in Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. This writing is just for you; you won't be asked to share it. But journaling develops the prefrontal cortex of the brain in positive ways that help you self-regulate and become happier, and it will help you to make the most of this course. Record your questions, too, because keeping them in mind as you read will help you formulate answers.

Weekly Lecture

On each week's page during the Course, you'll find a link to our audio lecture for that week. The audio is about an hour in length and you can break it up to listen over the course of the week. If you get a chance to listen to it more than once, many parents say they have new insights their second time through.

All the lectures in this course can be listened to right from the page. You may also listen to them off-line by downloading to your computer, or to your phone via your Dropbox account. Listening off-line will require completing a few steps ahead of time while you do have an internet connection, so be sure to read our Audio FAQs to get set up. If you don't have a Dropbox account, or have questions about listening offline and on your mobile device or tablet, please read our Audio FAQs. And if at any point you notice that the audio is repeating, that is a browser or internet problem. Please just note what minute you're on and refresh your page, and the audio will be fine.

Daily Inspirations

Each week, you'll also find links to five short audios, called Daily Inspirations. These are only 4 minutes in length. I encourage you to find a time when you aren't driving so that you can close your eyes and simply be present.

It takes about three months to develop a habit and rewire your brain. I've designed these three months of daily inspirations to help you rewire your brain so that you're more able to stay calm under pressure.

These audios deepen over time, so start at the beginning and follow them in order, even if you get behind. There are five for each week, so on the weekend you can either catch up, repeat your favorites, or listen to a longer guided meditation. There are some available for free on my website here, and in Week One of the Course I'll be giving you more meditation sources in the Recommended Resources section.

If you're already a meditator, wonderful! But I still encourage you to listen to these Daily Inspirations in addition to your regular meditation, because they cover specific material that's designed to change your brain and support you in your parenting.

Journal Prompts & Practice Exercises

Every week on our Course Page, you'll find a packet of "Homework" -- Journal prompts and Exercises to do with your child. This packet is available in Microsoft Word, so you can type answers right on your computer, but also in pdf, in case you want to print it out and fill it in by hand. This is solely to enhance your own growth, so you don't have to turn these packets in -- but do keep track of what you learn, either right on the homework or in your parenting journal.

Do you have to do the homework? No, of course not. But changing your parenting approach is hard, and the homework gives you more support. Why wouldn't you take advantage of all the resources that are part of this Course?

What To Expect

What To Expect From Yourself

When you begin this course, you will become much more aware of your interactions with your child. You will probably become more patient and empathic right away. That's good. You will probably also become more self-critical. You might even feel some shame and worry about how you have parented in the past, or even in the past five minutes. That's not so good. Knowing more will inspire you to do the hard work to change. But beating yourself up won't help you at all.

So let's just agree, right now, that you have done the best you could with the information and resources you had, and you are doing the best you can at all times to become the parent you want to be. You deserve total compassion from yourself. No matter what. Okay?

As you learn more, you'll do better. That's why you're taking this course.

You will notice that as you use the approach of nurturing yourself more and understanding your child more, you will feel stronger and more confident as a parent. But please be aware that your more nurturing attitude may well unleash some old, tangled up emotions from your own past, that will bubble up to be healed. Don't worry, this is something you can handle. It just means you may have some days when you feel a little fragile, and need some extra tenderness from yourself. As you allow yourself to feel those emotions, they will vanish, and you will find yourself feeling more at peace -- and more able to stay calm with your child.

What To Expect From Your Child

When parents offer children more patience and understanding, kids blossom. But sometimes, first, they have to get some old unhappy tears and fears off their chest. They do that because before this they were stuffing those old emotions, and they now feel safe enough now to show them to you. So when you begin this course, please be aware that your child may briefly act a bit worse, before settling into a much happier, more cooperative place. I know, you didn't take this course to have your child act worse. I assure you this is temporary. He just needs a chance to show you those old hurts so he can heal and move on.

You can minimize this phase by focusing on connecting with your child and seeing things from her point of view. Keep setting limits:

It's not okay to hit no matter how angry you are.

But at the same time acknowledge all emotions, even upset and angry ones.

I see how angry you are, Sweetie....We can figure this out. Tell me what's upsetting you.

You'll find that the more your child feels genuinely heard and understood, the more quickly she moves past her anger to show you the hurts underneath it. And once she expresses those hurts, they begin to dissipate, and you'll see your child transform before your eyes.

In case you were wondering, it is never too late to repair things with your child. A child with more healing to do will be more emotionally volatile during this course as his feelings come up to be healed. And the older your child is, the more baggage she has already accumulated, so the more armor there will be around her heart. That means that a three year old will respond faster than an eight year old. But as long as you are willing to be present and loving, and you don't get defensive, your child will show you her hurts. That's the beginning of healing, and restoring emotional health. Just keep accepting your child's emotions, and having compassion for her and for yourself. You'll find things will shift quickly toward a better feeling in your home.

One tip to get the course off to a happy start. Your delight in your child may be the most important factor in your child's level of happiness and cooperation. Why not focus on finding opportunities to delight in your child, beginning today?

What To Expect From Your Partner (if you have one)

Most parents say that this workbook improves their relationship with their partner as well as with their child. That’s because these ideas are universal. Everyone wants to feel understood and respected. But it’s also very common for parents to begin using the peaceful parenting ideas, only to find that their partner disagrees with this new approach. After all, you’re introducing a new way of relating into your family.

What’s the best way to invite your partner, or an ex-partner who co-parents with you, into this process? Ask them to join you in taking this Course and share your log-in information with them. You both want what's best for your child, even if you have different ideas about how to create that. So the more your partner is involved in this course, the better. That way, even if one of you disagrees with these ideas, the two of you can discuss them together.

You can expect lots of discussions, and some of those discussions might get tense. Try to remember to keep the conversation safe by listening non-judgmentally, and expressing your own opinions, needs and fears, rather than attacking each other. Instead of lecturing your partner, empathize. Role-model the parent you want both of you to become. Remember, kids pick up on tension between parents, so extending emotional generosity to your partner is part of this work. You're both on the same side.

How to Get Started

I know you're committed to creating change in your family, and you want to get started. I'm with you! But I encourage you to take this one step at a time. Please don't announce to your child that you were wrong in the past and there will be no more punishments for bad behavior. So far, they don't have any motivation to behave, other than those punishments. We need to create more connection first. So for now, please focus on these three things.

Your Focus

Regulate your own emotions

So you can de-escalate the situations where things are likely to blow up. Stop, Drop (your agenda, just temporarily until calm is restored) and Breathe! Notice that when you stay calmer, your child returns to calm more quickly and behaves better in general.
Connect with your child

Look for every opportunity to see things from her point of view. Consciously work to delight in him, every chance you get. When children feel connected, they behave better.
Keep setting limits as necessary

Which will be all day every day. But as you set those limits, offer understanding and empathy. "I see how frustrating this is for you, Sweetie. We do have to stop and clean up. How can I help you manage this?"

If you can do these three things, you'll notice that your child is acting a lot better, and you're beginning to wean yourself off your previous automatic response of threatening punishment. Once we start the course, you'll have the foundation of connection and self-regulation that will allow you to shift from your usual approach to a more peaceful approach.

Course Facebook Forum

On the day the Course begins, you will be given the option of participating in Course Facebook Forum, which is called the Peaceful Parenting Collective. This is a private group, available only to parents who are either currently in this online course or past graduates of it.

While the person who administrates the Facebook group for me, Sarah Rosensweet, is a parenting coach I've trained and supervise, this is primarily a community forum for parents to share successes and frustrations, and to give each other support and encouragement. This is a terrific opportunity for you to be part of a community of parents who are committed to parenting peacefully.

Engaging with parents who are also just getting started with this approach will help you feel less alone, and getting support from graduates who have been using the peaceful parenting approach for awhile can be an invaluable source of encouragement as you put each week's new ideas into practice. This is also the place to take any questions that arise as you work through the course.

What if you don't use Facebook? You may want to consider setting up an account only for this one purpose -- I think this Forum is that valuable. Yes, your account can be anonymous, and yes, you can delete it as soon as the Course ends.

The link for you to participate in this optional Facebook Forum will be on the Week One page, which will be live and available to you on the first day of the course. You will be able to access the Forum at that time.

Don't miss a thing!

You'll be getting emails from me every Thursday, alerting you that the Course materials for that week are now available to you. And you'll be receiving my weekly Parenting Tips on Thursdays, as well as my blog posts on creating a better parent-child relationship on Mondays and Wednesdays. So please be sure to add [email protected] and [email protected] to your address book. (Yes, you can unsubscribe, but please wait until after the Course ends so you don't miss your emails related to the Course.)

If you use Gmail and notice that an email from me has gone into your promotions folder, drag that email out and into your "Primary" mail folder. A popup from Gmail will ask if you want my emails to go to your "Primary" inbox in the future. Click yes, so Gmail will deliver my emails to you and you won't miss a thing!

Pace Yourself

Most people find it hard to squeeze in time for this course. After all, you already have a full life. So please don't worry if you find you need two or more weeks to cover each week's material. There is no rush. This is a self-paced course, so don't pressure yourself. You have lifetime access to the materials in this course.

You can also opt-in to re-take the course whenever it is offered, for free. You won't receive another book or the Week 12 audio bonus, but you will get weekly emails from me reminding you to review the Course materials each week, and you can participate in the Facebook Forum.

And, don't let that permission to self-pace keep you from doing the work. This is hard work and it takes time. It does not happen magically -- you actually need to engage with the ideas over and over, which you'll find helps you change your responses in those tough moments.

If you do the work to listen to the audio lectures, listen to the daily inspirations, and read the book, I guarantee that you will see changes in yourself, and that will create changes in your child. So if you get frustrated, spend a little more time listening and reading, which usually leads to a new breakthrough.

As with any course, you get out of it what you put into it. I know you already have a busy life. So I encourage you to give some thought to how you'll prioritize this Course. Can you listen to the weekly lecture on your way to work, or while you work out or make dinner? Can you plan to do the Exercise and Journal prompt on the weekend? Can you get up five minutes earlier in the morning to listen to the Daily Inspirations?

Whatever works for you is perfect. Just be sure to set aside some time each and every week when you can actually listen to the audios, put the ideas into practice with your child, and reflect on what you're learning.

I encourage you to share your learning, the audios, and all of the course materials with anyone in your household with whom you are raising your children. Please do not share the course materials beyond your household. That allows me to keep the price as low as possible for lifetime access to this extensive Course.

Again, welcome. I look forward to working, playing and growing with you over the next three months. Here's to less drama, and more love!

Blessings,

Welcome to the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Course!