Anger and Aggression
Many parents send an angry child to her room to "calm down." After all, what else can we do? We certainly can't reason with her when she's furious. It's no time to teach lessons or ask for an apology. She needs to calm down. But it's worth considering whether that's the best option in dealing with anger. Imagine being angry at your partner. What if they said "Go calm down; come back when you can talk about this politely." Would you feel heard? Would you start to calm down? Or might you explode?
What can we do instead? We can help our children learn to manage their anger responsibly.
Start Here:
10 Tips To Help Your Child With Anger
"The truth about rage is that it only dissolves when it is really heard and understood, without reservation." - Carl Rogers.
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When Your Child Gets Angry: The Crash Course
"Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them HOW to be angry ." - Lyman Abbott
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When Your Child Gets Angry: The Cheat Sheet
"I agree with everything in your article When Your Child Gets Angry: The Crash Course, but I can't remember all that in the heat of the moment. Can you give us a very short version?"
Great idea! Everyone needs the short version on their refrigerator. Here's the cheat sheet on what to do when your child gets angry.
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When Your Toddler Hits You: A Script
"Children naturally lean toward affection and companionship. When you see a child fiercely attacking her loved ones, you can assume that she is sitting on extremely painful feelings. An angry child is quite frightened and sad underneath her tough stance. However small the issue, she feels that something absolutely vital to her is being threatened, and she has no choice but to fight. She also feels alone. As far as she can tell, no one understands her, no one will come to her rescue, and everyone is out to hurt her. - Patty Wipfler
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"I read your Toddler tips yesterday and tried each suggestion, and LO! My daughter has not been fighting me! Like some kind of magic it just works!"
Karina
Dr. Laura is a parent whisperer! - Liz McIntosh
Liz McIntosh
Dr. Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives. Providing my daughter with acknowledgement of her feelings and point of view reduced her oppositional behaviors and emotional meltdowns to nearly none. - Jodie Tokatlian
Dr. Laura, you have created miracles, large and small, in so many lives and our children thank you.
Folks, she's brilliant. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing. I recommend it.
"I'd really recommend Laura Markham's Aha! parenting books and website for brilliantly practical ways to parent with kindness instead of punishment." - Makchoon
Makchoon
I have seen amazing improvement in my *very* angry 17 year-old son after acknowledging that there was a reason he was so angry and acting out. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.
I know that I am a better parent thanks to Dr. Laura's inspirational words and suggestions.
I love AhaParenting because there is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. - Chantal Harrison
Chantal Harrison
It's like these emails were meant for me. - Caroline Henry
"Just wanted to say how much I appreciate receiving your regular emails. They've improved my parenting (and me as a person!) and made my children's lives better. Thank you!" - Andrei
Andrei
My daughter reacts so much better when I empathize and stay patient. And now I get to model that behavior instead of letting my frustration get the better of me.
Thank YOU so much for your encouraging weekly newsletters and your Facebook posts. Since I began following your approach, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. We are all feeling a lot more overall peace!
Thank you for your weekly emails and your books. They're a life line for me when I really need support during a rough patch. - Lisa Fernandez
Lisa Fernandez
Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Thank you. - Jennifer B.
Jennifer B
Yes. It works. And the more rest I get, the more patience I have. It makes a difference.
Dear Dr. Laura Markham! I am a mother of 2 boys - 16 and 7 years old. I am extremely grateful for all the emotional and relational education that you provide us and also for your incredible loving energy to support our evolution as parents, as human beings. I took your course 3 years ago. Although the challenges of the parent-child relationship change almost every year, your parenting principles are equally valuable and effective. It's hard to reprogram the emotional-behavioral pattern learned in my own childhood... so I find it very helpful to go back to your teachings to regain trust and patience as a parent every time new challenges trigger my anxiety. To have more clarity, to reset my energy. Thank you!!
Janina-Madalina Dobrescu
Your philosophies are the only tools we've come across which offer practical advice grounded in clearly laid out lay terminology. Our family life day-to-day is nothing short of a miracle, thanks to you! - Dana Questad
Dana Questad
