Parental Conflict
The nature of human relationships is that we will sometimes disagree. It's wonderful for children to see their parents model how to work out disagreements. It's important for them to know that we don't always agree, but we always love each other. Kids need to see us ask for what we need without attacking the other person. And it's critical for them to see us make up, with affection and forgiveness. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to yell at each other in front of our kids. The research shows that when parents disagree respectfully and then work things through to a solution and affectionately make up, kids learn valuable lessons about working through conflicts constructively. But the research also shows that yelling always affects kids badly. Yelling is not constructive conflict resolution. It's a tantrum. So how can you handle the inevitable disagreements that come up in a relationship -- when you live with kids and want to be a good role model?
Start Here:
Fighting Fair When you Live With Kids: Healthy Conflict Resolution
"Dr. Laura....In your article How To Do Damage Control When You Fight In Front of Your Kids, you warned parents against fighting in front of our kids. But as you always say, we're not perfect, we're human! What are we supposed to do when we disagree? Isn't it good for kids to see parents work out disagreements, and make up? And isn't it okay if partners don't always agree? We can still love each other." - Carmen
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How To Do Damage Control When You Fight In Front of Your Kids
"Yesterday my husband and I had an argument at dinner time in front of the kids. My four year old daughter yelled at us to ‘Be quiet!’ … My two year old had a tough time going to bed, which is unusual for him. Could that have had to do with mommy and daddy arguing?”
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How To Make a Fight With Your Partner Into a Positive Learning Experience for Your Child
"Dr. Laura....In your article "How To Do Damage Control When You Fight In Front of Your Kids," You seem to recommend that parents not fight in front of their children, it makes the children anxious. But I read that fighting is fine as long as you 'make up' afterward and the kids see that."
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"I read your Toddler tips yesterday and tried each suggestion, and LO! My daughter has not been fighting me! Like some kind of magic it just works!"
Karina
Dr. Laura is a parent whisperer! - Liz McIntosh
Liz McIntosh
Dr. Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives. Providing my daughter with acknowledgement of her feelings and point of view reduced her oppositional behaviors and emotional meltdowns to nearly none. - Jodie Tokatlian
Dr. Laura, you have created miracles, large and small, in so many lives and our children thank you.
Folks, she's brilliant. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing. I recommend it.
"I'd really recommend Laura Markham's Aha! parenting books and website for brilliantly practical ways to parent with kindness instead of punishment." - Makchoon
Makchoon
I have seen amazing improvement in my *very* angry 17 year-old son after acknowledging that there was a reason he was so angry and acting out. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.
I know that I am a better parent thanks to Dr. Laura's inspirational words and suggestions.
I love AhaParenting because there is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. - Chantal Harrison
Chantal Harrison
It's like these emails were meant for me. - Caroline Henry
"Just wanted to say how much I appreciate receiving your regular emails. They've improved my parenting (and me as a person!) and made my children's lives better. Thank you!" - Andrei
Andrei
My daughter reacts so much better when I empathize and stay patient. And now I get to model that behavior instead of letting my frustration get the better of me.
Thank YOU so much for your encouraging weekly newsletters and your Facebook posts. Since I began following your approach, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. We are all feeling a lot more overall peace!
Thank you for your weekly emails and your books. They're a life line for me when I really need support during a rough patch. - Lisa Fernandez
Lisa Fernandez
Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Thank you. - Jennifer B.
Jennifer B
Yes. It works. And the more rest I get, the more patience I have. It makes a difference.
Dear Dr. Laura Markham! I am a mother of 2 boys - 16 and 7 years old. I am extremely grateful for all the emotional and relational education that you provide us and also for your incredible loving energy to support our evolution as parents, as human beings. I took your course 3 years ago. Although the challenges of the parent-child relationship change almost every year, your parenting principles are equally valuable and effective. It's hard to reprogram the emotional-behavioral pattern learned in my own childhood... so I find it very helpful to go back to your teachings to regain trust and patience as a parent every time new challenges trigger my anxiety. To have more clarity, to reset my energy. Thank you!!
Janina-Madalina Dobrescu
Your philosophies are the only tools we've come across which offer practical advice grounded in clearly laid out lay terminology. Our family life day-to-day is nothing short of a miracle, thanks to you! - Dana Questad
Dana Questad
