Peaceful Parenting
What does it mean to be a Peaceful Parent?
No human is always peaceful. Peaceful Parenting just means that we work on ourselves first, so that we aren't taking our own emotions out on our children.
- We take responsibility for regulating our own emotions, so we can stay as calm as possible with our children.
- We set limits with empathy.
- We reflect before we react, looking for the reason behind our child's behavior.
- We connect before we correct.
- We try to accept our child's "big" emotions with compassion, which helps the child move past them.
- We apologize and repair when we mess up.
- We take responsibility for keeping our own "love cups" full, so we can pour our appreciation, acceptance and unconditional love into our child.
And we end up with more peaceful homes and hearts, a lot less drama, and a lot more love.
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Why Peaceful Parenting?
“I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent or teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”
-Dr. Haim Ginott
The Neurobiology of Peaceful Parenting
In these four videos, Dr. Laura Markham gives you parenting hacks to work with your child's nervous system (and your own!) for a more peaceful home and optimal brain development.
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Polyvagal-Informed Parenting
Welcome to our latest "Neurobiology of Peaceful Parenting" Challenge! This 3-video challenge will give you quick tips on what we can learn from polyvagal theory that will help us to raise more resilient children.
Today's Challenge explores the role of safety and connection in shaping your child's nervous system. Did you know that creating a sense of safety, and nurturing warm, engaging interactions, can shape your child's nervous system for more resilience?
Mindful Parenting: Your #1 Responsibility as a Parent
"Mindfulness: Allowing an emotion to take hold and pass without acting on it." -Benedict Carey
“Mindfulness: Not hitting someone in the mouth.” -11 year old who completed a mindfulness training at his school, quoted in the New York Times
10 Commitments That Will Make You a Better Parent
Being a parent is tough. Most of us feel like we could do a better job, but resolving to be more patient rarely works. That's because sometimes the first step to being a better parent is actually about how we treat ourselves. We can only give what we have inside. And if we can't manage our own emotions. we can't expect our kids to learn to manage theirs.
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Does Peaceful Parenting Mean Letting Kids Do Whatever They Want?
"Isn't there a time and a place for a parent to just plain 'be in charge'? So often, and especially now, with this new approach, he pretty much does whatever he wants... I don't want my child to be an uncontrollable brat." - Amber
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The surprise side benefit of regulating your own emotions
Your emotional self-regulation is the key to helping your child grow a calmer brain!
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Healing Yourself So You Can Be a More Peaceful Parent
“In the absence of reflection, history often repeats itself… Research has clearly demonstrated that our children’s attachment to us will be influenced by what happened to us when we were young if we do not come to process and understand those experiences.” -Dan Siegel
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Staying Calm When One Child Hurts the Other
“The only thing that really makes me lose it is when my four-year-old repeatedly is physically violent to his two-year-old sister. I try to do what you say, and say, ‘Quick, Sammy, can you get her an ice pack?’ and turn him into a helper. He’s good at it. But it makes me mad if they’re fighting and I say ‘I’m coming to help’ and then he throws her to the ground and busts her head."
Teen's Perspective: What Peaceful Parenting Taught Me
I often get questions from parents unconvinced of the effectiveness of my parenting techniques. Fueled by a steady diet of conventional parenting rules concerning time-outs, control, punishment, and praise, as well as personal reflections on their own childhoods, they ask questions like:
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"I read your Toddler tips yesterday and tried each suggestion, and LO! My daughter has not been fighting me! Like some kind of magic it just works!"
Karina
Dr. Laura is a parent whisperer! - Liz McIntosh
Liz McIntosh
Dr. Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives. Providing my daughter with acknowledgement of her feelings and point of view reduced her oppositional behaviors and emotional meltdowns to nearly none. - Jodie Tokatlian
Dr. Laura, you have created miracles, large and small, in so many lives and our children thank you.
Folks, she's brilliant. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing. I recommend it.
"I'd really recommend Laura Markham's Aha! parenting books and website for brilliantly practical ways to parent with kindness instead of punishment." - Makchoon
Makchoon
I have seen amazing improvement in my *very* angry 17 year-old son after acknowledging that there was a reason he was so angry and acting out. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.
I know that I am a better parent thanks to Dr. Laura's inspirational words and suggestions.
I love AhaParenting because there is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. - Chantal Harrison
Chantal Harrison
It's like these emails were meant for me. - Caroline Henry
"Just wanted to say how much I appreciate receiving your regular emails. They've improved my parenting (and me as a person!) and made my children's lives better. Thank you!" - Andrei
Andrei
My daughter reacts so much better when I empathize and stay patient. And now I get to model that behavior instead of letting my frustration get the better of me.
Thank YOU so much for your encouraging weekly newsletters and your Facebook posts. Since I began following your approach, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. We are all feeling a lot more overall peace!
Thank you for your weekly emails and your books. They're a life line for me when I really need support during a rough patch. - Lisa Fernandez
Lisa Fernandez
Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Thank you. - Jennifer B.
Jennifer B
Yes. It works. And the more rest I get, the more patience I have. It makes a difference.
Dear Dr. Laura Markham! I am a mother of 2 boys - 16 and 7 years old. I am extremely grateful for all the emotional and relational education that you provide us and also for your incredible loving energy to support our evolution as parents, as human beings. I took your course 3 years ago. Although the challenges of the parent-child relationship change almost every year, your parenting principles are equally valuable and effective. It's hard to reprogram the emotional-behavioral pattern learned in my own childhood... so I find it very helpful to go back to your teachings to regain trust and patience as a parent every time new challenges trigger my anxiety. To have more clarity, to reset my energy. Thank you!!
Janina-Madalina Dobrescu
Your philosophies are the only tools we've come across which offer practical advice grounded in clearly laid out lay terminology. Our family life day-to-day is nothing short of a miracle, thanks to you! - Dana Questad
Dana Questad
