Accepting emotions like this is the beginning of resilience.

Gradually, your child will internalize the ability to weather disappointment and learn that he can't always get what he wants, but he has something better—someone who loves and accepts all of him, including the yucky parts like disappointment and anger. He'll learn that emotions aren't dangerous—they can be tolerated without acting on them, and they pass. Gradually, he'll learn to verbalize his feelings and needs without attacking the other person—even when he's furious.

You'll have taught him how to manage his emotions. And you'll have strengthened, rather than eroded, your bond with him. All by taking a deep breath and staying compassionate in the face of rage.

Sounds saintly, I know, and you won't always be able to pull it off. But every time you do, you'll be helping your child grow the neural pathways for a more emotionally intelligent brain. And you'll be gifting yourself a lot less drama—and a lot more love.

While this mini-course will be helpful to parents of children of any age, because it supports understanding and responding to anger more effectively, it is primarily geared toward parents of kids ages four through twelve.

STEP ONE

Listen to the "Helping Your Child with Anger" audio.

This powerful 16 minute audio will teach you the secrets to handling your child's anger. Download the transcript for this audio to follow along.

STEP TWO

Begin an ongoing discussion with your child about anger.

To get started, please download this PDF: How to Begin Talking About Anger with Your Child Worksheet.

Find a time when you and your child are relaxed and feeling connected. In a series of conversations, ask your child questions like the ones on the worksheet.

You'll learn a lot from these conversations, both about your child and about yourself. Your goal is to start creating a family understanding about anger, which will remove the shame of feeling anger and motivate everyone to handle that feeling more constructively.

TIP: Never begin a conversation about anger when your child is angry. When people are angry, they are in “fight or flight” – a state of emergency. They can’t learn or problem-solve. When a child is angry, your priority is to acknowledge what they’re upset about and restore emotional and physical safety so they can calm down.

STEP THREE

Milestones and Action Items

The Anger Milestones and Action Steps Worksheet will help you target where to focus during our Spotlight on Helping Your Child Learn to Manage Anger.

• What’s a Milestone? A marker that tells you where you are on a journey.
• What’s an Action Item? A step you take that moves you toward the next Milestone.

Please start by downloading the Milestones and Action Items Worksheet and reading through all descriptions to evaluate where you and your child are on the journey to manage anger constructively. Which fits you both best at this point in time? No shame, no blame – wherever you find yourself is the right place to begin!

Once you decide what Milestone you’re at right now, read the Action Items for that Milestone. Those are the tasks that will help you move to the next Milestone along your Success Path.

What if you can’t decide what Milestone is right for you? No worries. Your goal is to master each level so you can gradually work your way through the Action Items for all the Milestones. There’s no rush. Every one of these Action Items takes you toward the family life you want!

STEP FOUR

Help Your Child Master Angry To Calm Printable

Find a time when you and your child are relaxed and feeling connected. Continue your ongoing conversations about anger by brainstorming effective ways to calm down.

To guide your discussion, use this printable: Help Your Child Master Angry to Calm. Give your child the page "My Superpowers for Calming Down" and brainstorm together to complete it. Remember, your child needs to feel that YOU are working to manage your anger too. If they feel shamed by this discussion, it will make it harder for them to manage anger constructively. All of us are working on this hard thing!

STEP FIVE

Deconstructing Anger Audio

Listen to the "Deconstructing Anger" audio. You'll find the transcript below the audio.

This audio will teach you how anger works and what it looks like to manage anger in a healthy way — for both adults and children.

STEP SIX

Kids Guide to Managing Anger Printable

Continue the conversation about anger by sharing this printable with your child: The Kids' Guide to Managing Anger.

Let your child read this printable to you. (If your child is too young to read, you can read it to them and ask questions about it.) As they read, ask the listed questions to start a discussion.

Put the printable on your refrigerator at your child's level. Model using it when you get annoyed, just as you do the Secret Weapons for Calming Down printable.

When neither of you is angry, make a game of trying out the different ideas together.

STEP SEVEN

Listening To Anger Audio

The 8 minute "Listening To Anger" audio is designed to help children (and adults) calm down when they're upset. Invite your child to listen to it WITH you and ask what they think about it. Then ask: "Do you think this would help when you're angry? Would you like us to set this audio up now so you can easily access it when you're upset?"