The key to not yelling is giving yourself support.

Have you tried to stop yelling before?

Here's why this toolkit is different. Instead of just telling you not to yell, these tools show you what to do instead — in the heat of the moment and in the small daily habits that make those moments easier.

This toolkit gives you a complete system with practical tools for every moment—from preventive strategies that keep frustration from building, to in-the-moment techniques when you feel yourself heating up, to repair strategies when you do raise your voice.

Step One

Download your Respectful Voice Chart & Plan

Print out this plan and post your chart. Your child will be drawing a star, or using a sticker, on the days when you don't yell. Before you talk with your child, though, finish the rest of the steps, and then you'll be ready to begin your new program!

STEP TWO

Download both audios.

• Start with the "How To Talk with Your Child about No More Yelling" Troubleshooting Audio, which explains how to use the Respectful Voice Chart and how to talk with your child about it as you look at it together every evening.
• Listen to the "4 Minutes To Calm" audio so you know what it is, and have it ready to use whenever you need some support to help you calm down.

(Transcript included for both audios).

STEP THREE

Post your Printables

Give yourself more support to stop yelling and start connecting, step by step, by posting these inspirational printables:

• Self Regulation Printable - Tools to calm yourself.
• Your Child's Brain When You Stay Calm - Just a reminder that you're sculpting your child's brain with every repeated interaction.
• Preventive Maintenance Printable - Your plan for connection and cooperation with your child.
• Stop, Drop and Breathe! - Learn how to use your Pause Button.

STEP FOUR

Print Your "Quick Guide To Stop Yelling" Cheatsheet

Post this Cheatsheet where you can see it, to help you stay on track with your goal to find alternatives to yelling.

STEP FIVE

Download your Parenting Guides

Keep handy to read and re-read any time you need inspiration!

• Your 10-Point Plan to Stop Yelling
• 10 Simple Ways To Improve Your Parenting - This article will help you connect more!
• The Secret of Not Yelling When You're Having a Bad Day.

STEP SIX

Print out your Worksheet

Pause and Reflect Worksheet - Each time you end up raising your voice, use this worksheet to better understand what pushed your buttons and heal the belief system that's triggering you.

STEP SEVEN

Talk with your Child

After you listen to the Troubleshooting audio, you're ready to start using your chart! Explain it to your child or children. "I want to use a more respectful voice and not yell. No one deserves to be yelled at. I might not be perfect, but I'm working hard to improve. Will you help me track my progress with smiley faces every day on this chart?"

STEP EIGHT

Use Your Pause Button

Start each day with the intention to NOTICE when you start to get irritated. Every time that happens, use your PAUSE button: STOP, DROP (your agenda, just for now) and BREATHE.

STEP NINE

Once you're calmer, try a Do Over.

Remember, it's not a teachable moment until everyone is calm and reconnected.

First, shift yourself back to calm. Then, help your child get back to calm.

That might mean you try a do-over to get everyone back on track, by restating your correction in a more positive tone. That might mean you apologize, if you were raising your voice. It might mean you get your cranky child laughing, and if that doesn't work, support her through a good cry so that you can all have a better day. It might mean you blow off the dishes and just snuggle under the covers with your kids and a pile of books until everyone feels better.

Just take one step toward helping everyone feel, and do, better -- including you!

STEP TEN

Have a discussion every night.

Every evening (as described in the "Troubleshooting" audio) ask your child or children whether you've earned a smiley face for using a respectful voice that day.

If yes, let them draw it on your Respectful Voice Chart while you reflect on what helped you with this terrific achievement! This is something to celebrate!

If not, no shame, no blame, no worries, no arguments! I know, it doesn’t feel good. Give yourself some compassion. You did not fail. You are just learning what you need to do to succeed!