As frustrating as it may be, some children are what we could call late-potty-trainers. (Remember, half the kids train later than the average, and half train earlier.) Kids who aren't bothered by wet or dirty diapers tend to be late trainers, because they don't have much incentive. And as this mother has observed, the hoopla of treats etc does tend to be short-lived if the child doesn't have internal incentive to train. The last thing you want to do is get into a struggle with your child over their body. You can never win that fight. So what can you do?
1. Look at things from your child's perspective.
Why isn't she interested? Is she frightened of the toilet? Doesn't see any benefit to it? Wants to retain her baby status so you'll still baby her? Ask her, without trying to talk her into anything, and see what she says.
2. Let your child be in charge of the process.
Find every book you can about potty-training and read it, but don't mention how she should potty train. Let it be her idea. Get hold of one of those potty-training dolls and let her potty-train her doll -- again, without mentioning that she should also potty-train.
3. Work harder to find a benefit for your late trainer.
All kids want mastery and control. Make sure your child feels like they would be in charge of the process. Try choosing a cool potty or underwear. Take photos of your child on the potty and making a book for them.
4. Regularly talk about big kids who use the toilet.
Your older child will train easily and probably effortlessly on your part, if he has regular exposure to kids who wear big kid underwear. Comment on it in relation to other kids, and as a clear part of his future but make it clear that he will do this when he's ready."That boy doesn't wear diapers anymore. I bet he's three and a half or four." "When you're ready to use the toilet instead of diapers, then if you want we can take a swimming class." "When you're ready to wear underwear every day, your teacher will be so impressed."
Keep your tone relaxed and non-judgmental, as if you were talking about him reaching some other developmental hurdle, like "When you get big and can ride a bike" or "When you get big and can read."
5. Sometimes your investment in this issue may be causing your child to dig in their heels.
Relax. Drop the issue. Try again in two months. Two months is a long time in the life of a three year old. When you bring it up in two months, let them be in charge of the process. Remember the adage: "No child goes to college in diapers." Your child will eventually use the toilet and if you sidestep the battle, there won't be one. And that's a win for everyone!
