Why One-on-One Time with You Is So Important for Your Child

There's a lot of research about Attachment in the early years, which demonstrates that securely attached children are healthier and happier throughout life. But what about the research on "Special Time"?

"Special Time" is a relatively new construct, pioneered by Patty Wipfler of Hand-in-Hand Parenting and by PCIT (Parent–Child Interaction Therapy), and recommended as one of the five basic preventive maintenance practices by Dr. Laura Markham. Because it is so new and not yet widely used (at least by this name) studies that examine Special Time are scarce. But we have many studies on what happens when parents spend one on one time with their children, even if the researchers don't call it "Special Time." These kids more likely to be securely attached, have better relationships with their parents, are more emotionally, intelligent, more socially intelligent, have fewer behavior problems in school, engage in fewer risky behaviors, and generally have higher well-being.

 Anecdotal evidence from followers of Dr. Laura Markham and Patty Wipfler, as well as PCIT, report that children are happier and more cooperative – which would be expected from children with higher well-being.

Research findings in the United States (with similar trends observed elsewhere) support this across various age groups, as you can see below.

But if it feels overwhelming to read the research, just ask yourself these questions.

1. When you do Special Time, does your child's behavior and demeanor change?

2. Does your child beg for Special Time like it's an essential nutrient they were missing?

3. If you could give your child medicine three times a week that helped them to flourish, cooperate and feel close to you, that helped you to be a more responsive parent, that increased the trust so that your child could tell you anything--and that had no side effects and your child loved taking the medicine--what would you be willing to pay for this? How about a total of one hour of your time every week? Wouldn't that be worth it?

Here's the research:

Early Childhood (Infants, Toddlers & Preschoolers)

• Fostering Secure Attachment: Engaging in one-on-one activities with young children helps build a secure parent-child bond characterized by trust and emotional safety (1). Focused attention (e.g. reading together, playing, talking at bedtime) makes the child feel valued and lays a foundation for healthy social and emotional development.
• Evidence from U.S. Surveys: A national survey of U.S. families found that parents who frequently spent quality time – reading, singing, or storytelling daily – with their 1- to 5-year-olds were far more likely to have children who “flourish,” including having a close, affectionate relationship with the parent (2). By contrast, young kids who got little one-on-one interaction had lower overall well-being and weaker parent attachment.

Middle Childhood (Elementary School Years)

• Behavior and Bonding Benefits: Continuing regular individual parent-child time as kids grow can reduce behavior problems and family conflict. Children who feel loved and receive consistent attention tend to have fewer behavior issues at home and school (3). In one summary, kids who regularly get quality one-on-one time with parents have fewer family arguments and are less prone to disobedience or risky behaviors (like drug use) as they get older (3).
• Long-Term Impact of Involvement: Longitudinal research shows these effects persist into adolescence. For example, a study following nearly 5,000 U.S. families reported that greater father-child involvement in middle childhood (e.g. frequent personal interactions and engagement) predicted significantly fewer behavior problems by age 15 (4). Notably, simply living with the child wasn’t enough – it was the dad’s active one-on-one engagement, not just presence, that drove better outcomes (4). This highlights that quality time with a parent is key to a strong relationship and positive child behavior, even in non-traditional family situations.

Adolescence (Teen Years)

• Maintaining Closeness in Teens: During the teen years, making time for one-on-one interaction is crucial to keep the parent-child relationship strong. A 2025 study of thousands of U.S. families found that “simple, consistent involvement from fathers builds closeness during adolescence.” In practice, when fathers **regularly talk with their teens, help with homework, and show interest in their lives, it strengthens the parent–teen bond over time (5). Mothers’ involvement is important as well – although teens naturally spend less time with parents, those who do enjoy routine solo conversations or activities with either parent report warmer, more trusting relationships.
• Emotional Benefits: Research shows that warm, supportive parent-teen relationships cultivated by such quality time bring tangible benefits to adolescents’ well-being. Teens who feel emotionally close to their parents (who can confide in them and receive support) have higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression (6). In one study, a close father–adolescent relationship was associated with fewer depressive symptoms and better self-image across adolescence (6). Experts emphasize that parents who remain available, listen, and communicate one-on-one with their teens foster an affectionate, low-conflict relationship that can buffer against common teenage issues (6). In short, making time for “special” one-on-one moments – even something as simple as a weekly coffee chat or a regular walk together – helps preserve closeness and trust during the challenging teen years.

Click here to watch Dr. Laura's video, "How to Have More Influence With Your Child."