Toddler- Biting, Hitting Mom and Dad
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Hello Dr. Laura-
I have a 25 month old son, who has started biting and laughing about
it, so I know he is doing it for attention. I stay home with him. We
are constantly doing things together, etc so he is really spoiled with
attention. He seems to do it to just
test us. Sometimes when he is sitting on our lap playing, he will out
of nowhere smack us in the face too and laugh. I will take his hands,
hold them down and in a stern voice I will say "NO we do not hit, you
need to use gentle hands." Then I show him how
to make nice with our hands. Then he usually does it again and will
laugh. Its becoming a daily thing now and it needs to be nipped in the
bud, but I am unsure of how to do that. Any advice would be great!
Thanks - Amy
Amy-
Your son is not biting you for "attention" or because he is "spoiled" but because he needs something from you. He is not laughing because he enjoys seeing you in
pain. He is laughing because that lets off tension. The reason your
approach is not preventing the hitting and biting is that you are doing a
great job of telling him what the limit is, but you aren't helping him
with the feelings that are pushing him to bite and hit.
You are doing the right thing to set a firm limit. Try to avoid being
bitten or hit, when you can see it coming, and always respond by
stopping him. But instead
of being stern, along with setting the limit, try a kind voice,
one that helps him feel safe enough to get in
touch with whatever feelings are beneath his hitting. I suspect that if
you set a clear, kind limit, looking into his eyes (he will try to
avoid letting you look in his eyes), he will burst into tears. If he avoids your eyes, or laughs, insist on looking into his eyes, saying "You have some big feelings in there you need to show me. Look at me, Sweetie. I am right here. You are safe." He will almost certainly begin to cry, if you kindly, clearly, insist that hitting is not ok and you are there to help him. A good
cry will help him let those feelings out, and he won't need to hit any
more.
Here are some articles that may help you:
What about those days when he's hellbent on misbehaving?
Good luck!
Dr. Laura
