Toddler Wakes Up Too Early in the Morning

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Answer

Hi Trish,

Most babies your daughter's age sleep 10-12 hours per night. It could be that she only needs ten hours, which could explain her early waking, but I would guess that she needs 12. Why? First, you say she isn't getting enough sleep, and moms can usually tell. Second, it sounds like your daughter was getting a little over twelve hours of sleep nightly, with some additional nap time, and was doing well. So I suspect she needs more sleep.

So why does she resist going to sleep at 8pm, even when she hasn't had a nap and is very tired? And what's more, why is she waking up at 5:30 or 6am after only 10 hours of sleep, before she is fully rested?

Almost certainly, she is over-tired. When little ones miss naps or experience stress of any kind, they have to work hard to function. Their bodies go on alert and pump them full of stress hormones like cortisol. Cortisol makes them cranky and hyper-alert, so they have a harder time falling asleep. They are also more tense at night, so when they experience the normal slight awakenings that happen for all of us as we cycle through the phases of night-time sleep, they pop awake, instead of putting themselves back to sleep. For the same reason, they also awaken earlier in the morning.

So what can you do?

1. Try putting her to bed earlier, at 7pm.

It defies logic but if she actually needs the sleep, this will help her catch up, and could solve the problem within a couple of days.

2. Figure out what's stressing her, and help her cope.

Since this new waking pattern coincided with your new job, it's entirely possible that she simply misses you and wants more time with you. It's also possible that your absence makes her worry, and she is too anxious to sleep. Getting used to Mom going back to work can be hard on a little one.

You might want to make sure you're showering her with attention during the time you are awake with her. And --this is important -- many babies this age start to resist sleep. If you simply stay with her and insist that it is time to sleep, she will probably start to cry and show you all the tears and fears she's been storing up in her time away from you. Just keep reassuring her that you are her mother and will always come back to her. I predict that she will cry a great deal and then fall asleep, and that in the future she will again fall asleep easily.  It may well be that she just needs a good cry in the safety of your arms. For more info on how to do this, check out this article: 17 Month Old Won't Nap.

3. Kids in daycare often have elevated cortisol levels in the afternoon.

I gather from your letter that she is with her Grandfather, but if she is in daycare, you might want to think through other alternatives that would leave her in her own home in the afternoons.

4. Get past the cortisol build-up in her system and let her catch up on her sleep.

You could ask your pediatrician about trying melatonin for a night or two. I would never use it for a baby for longer than that, simply because we don't have any research showing what the long-term effect is on babies and their systems are sensitive. But there are no known side effects, and you would of course start with a very small dose.

5. Don't let her watch TV.

TV suppresses melatonin production and makes it harder for kids to fall asleep and stay asleep at night.

6. Invest in blackout curtains.

Her body will be fooled into sleeping longer. A bright room will lure anyone to wakefulness.

7. Teach her to put herself back to sleep.

Since she's been a good sleeper since she was three months old, she already knows how to fall asleep, but it sounds like she might need some support. Take a look at this article to be sure you're already doing everything listed: Help Your Toddler Learn to Put Himself to Sleep.

8. Teach her to sleep longer.

I would never suggest you let your daughter CIO, and I have heard from many parents that CIO does not work in the morning because the child is too rested. But it may be that some gentle methods can help your daughter to keep herself asleep longer in the morning. Get a CD alarm clock and put her favorite music in it. Start by setting the alarm for 6 a.m. Tell your daughter that she needs to sleep all night. In the morning, the clock will play her music and you will come and get her. If she wakes up before 6am, go in and hug her and tell her that it is still night and she has to wait until the music comes on, and then you will get her. When the alarm goes off at 6am and the music plays, get her up. Once she is routinely sleeping till 6am, start adjusting the time by 5 minute increments until she is sleeping until 7 am. I realize that it will seem crazy to let the music wake her on a day when it seems she will actually sleep past 6am, so if you can get one that has a remote, and turn it off if your daughter is still asleep, that is of course the best scenario. Little ones love the reassurance that when the alarm goes off, mom appears, and many seem to regulate themselves to wake with the alarm.

9. If you can't find an alarm clock with a remote that you can adjust from outside the room, you could try a visual cue.

Maybe a bunny rabbit alarm clock whose eyes open at the time you set? It won't wake her, of course, if she's still asleep, but she can check to see if it's time. Another, less expensive option, is to get a plug-in timer and a nightlight, and set it to go on at your target time.

10. Make sure she naps, so she isn't over-tired at night.

By the way, I would not worry about Grandpa napping on the couch with her. Kids can learn that the rules are different with different people. But it may be that you will have to schedule your weekends for awhile so that she naps in the car while you run errands.

11. Simply take her into your bed when she awakens at 5:30 or 6am.

If you don't want her to get used to your bed, you could go back to sleep with her on the couch or on a mattress on the floor. If she is actually tired, she will probably go to sleep with you for another hour. If this works, I regard it as the easiest solution for everyone involved. Early waking is the hardest sleep problem to solve, because kids are somewhat rested and usually just work themselves into a frenzy and can't fall asleep. So if napping with her gets you an extra hour of sleep, that might be the best you can do for now.

12. Don't feed her until what you would consider wake up time.

7am? You don't want her body getting used to having food that early, or it will wake earlier looking for breakfast.

13. For some kids this age, teething is an issue.

If you suspect this from her behavior during the day, you could try some Tylenol or other teething remedies to see if it helps.

14. Try not to stress about this.

I realize that it feels like an emergency to have your daughter wake you so early every morning. And I agree with you that she needs more sleep. But this is almost certainly a temporary reaction to missing you, and to her grandfather napping with her, since you've returned to work. In other words, it is a tough transition, but it won't last. Stay patient, give her lots of love, and help her settle into her new routine. She needs the sleep, and sh

For more ideas: Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution

For Toddlers and Preschoolers, which is full of helpful ideas.